I applied for a job as an instructor at a youth technology camp called iD tech camps. It looked like an awesome organization with goals and attitudes I believe in. I put on my application that I was willing to travel anywhere. A friendly woman called me from back east and interviewed me for a position as a digital video/digital photography instructor at a camp in Poughkeepsie at Vassar College. I wasn't sure I wanted the job--it would be far away in a new place where I don't know anyone, plus stressful and time consuming. But I want to eventually be a teacher, possibly at a high school, so this looked like a great opportunity. I found out my brother Mike, sister in-law Lex, nephew Ryder, and their new baby would be in New York too. I would love to hang out in NYC with my big bro. I looked up pictures of Poughkeepsie online and began developing kind of a romance towards it. I started falling in love with the idea of it and the idea that I could work on my photography and play with kids all summer.
Well, I found out on Tuesday that I got the job. I was thrilled, but really nervous at the same time. I still wasn't sure if I was going to go, so I did what any self-respecting slightly obsessive compulsive would do and made a pros and cons list. Honestly, the pros far outweighed the cons. It seemed like the perfect answer to everything I would like to accomplish this summer: great experience, outside of Utah, good pay, and fun. I studied it out, and I decided to do it, but not before I prayed about it.
Now, I've always believed in personal revelation. As a Mormon, I believe that God does speak to individuals through the Holy Ghost. I've prayed about other things in my life--what college I should go to, applying to the film major at BYU, applying to London study abroad, etc. I generally pray about everything, and I feel really good about the decisions I have made up to this point. Everything in my life has worked out splendidly. But as I prayed about this tech camp job, I received a distinct impression that I should not accept the job. I have never had the "no" from the Spirit before, at least not in something like this. I was confused. I had finally convinced myself to go and to be excited about it--I really wanted this job! I tried to rationalize the feeling away, thinking it was just nerves. But I could not get the "don't go" out of my head.
I don't know why this happened. I don't know why as soon as I decide that it is the right thing to do this summer the Lord tells me it's wrong. I don't know why it's wrong, and initially that really bothered me. I am a rational person. I enjoy facts and answers and reasons. There have always been some things that I can't explain that I have taken on faith, like how the Atonement actually works and where dinosaurs fit into everything. But never anything this immediately personal. The only thing I know is that I don't want to risk ignoring the Spirit and regretting it. It's worth losing the experience of living in New York, no matter how badly I want it. There is some reason why I am not supposed to go, some other grand adventure I am supposed to pursue. I don't know what it is, but the Lord does. And if there's one thing I've learned this year, it's to trust the Lord.
Dinosaurs, haha!! (me too...) Jenny I really admire you for going with the answer even though you can't see why, especially with something like this. I really believe that we are guided best when we are on the move, and sometimes the answer is "keep going," but occasionally it is "stop" or "change course." Rarely do we get such direction when we just sit around and wait for a knock at the door. Man proposes, life, or better God, disposes... We just need to keep on proposing, right? And, as my boy Dan in Real Life says, we should plan on being surprised. You're amazing Jenny.
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