Sudden

There are times where I get sudden onsets of intense homesickness. Today it was looking at a picture of my mom playing with my niece/her granddaughter Maya. My mom has been visiting Danny and his family in Oregon this past weekend.

I don't feel homesick for places necessarily, and heaven knows I'm glad I didn't have to deal with the crazy snowstorms in Utah that I saw people posting about all over Facebook yesterday. I get homesick for people. I will see a picture, like my mom and Maya or my nieces and nephews at my parents, or my brother and our mutual friends eating at some restaurant we used to go to, and I feel a pang of longing.

I'm not longing to leave here - I actually love my friends here and living in Boston is really cool. I just wish all those people I love would move out here. Then perhaps it wouldn't feel like my heart is being splintered. The sad thing is that I know all the people I love will never all be in the same place at once. I will have some form of this splintered feeling for the rest of my life.

I guess it's true what they say about home being where the heart is.

Almost Victory

Today is a good day.

Today I handed back all of my students' graded work, and I have only had one student complain about their grade. I will talk with him on Thursday.

Today I was also notified that I have been chosen to be a TA again for next semester! They had to cut three of us, and I was sure - absolutely positive - one of those three would be me. But it wasn't! I am still a CO101 TA. I'm so grateful that I get to be a TA again because I learned so much this semester that would be a shame to not be able to improve upon next semester. The only bad thing about being a TA next semester means that three of my friends don't get to be TAs. I feel awful about that. I wish it didn't have to be that way.

Today I decided what to write my Superhero "Thought Piece" on. Our professor is a bit helter skelter. He's been changing the course requirements all semester. At first there were three papers due, and then maybe only one short paper and one long, and now it's two short papers and one thought piece (really short paper). All I have left is the thought piece, and I'm writing a bit of a stylistic comparison between The Dark Knight and The Avengers, trying to determine which style will take over as the codified, classical superhero genre style. Sound fun? Well, what is even more fun is that if I'm not happy with the paper, I can tell my professor not to grade it. And he won't. And I'll get an A- (most likely). Or he can grade it, and I guess my grade could go lower, but I don't think it will unless my paper is REALLY awful. I hope it isn't...

Today I made it to the halfway point in my big TV Theory paper! The only problem with this is that I have kind of run out of ideas...but my professor let me borrow a couple of books, so that should help. I only have 10 pages left to write. Just 10. I can do that by Thursday night, right? Only if I stop blogging and watching YouTube videos and get back to work...I need to be done by Thursday night because that's when I have to pick up my Nintendo 3DS XL from Best Buy. That's been my motivation to make it through finals. I'm a five year old on the inside. Maybe a 10 year old sometimes.

I want school to be over...

Maybe it's because I'm sick (I spent all Sunday night/Monday morning vomiting and writhing in agony - worst night of my life so far, I'm not kidding). Or maybe it's because Thanksgiving is next week. Or maybe it's because the rest of the semester looks a little bit daunting. Regardless of why, I want to come home.

I have a history of homesickness. I hated sleepovers at friends' houses. I never liked summer camps. I was even homesick during my study abroad in London. Well, not super homesick. It only lasted a day and was then wiped away by the sheer awesomeness that is London. I generally prefer my own bed, my own room, and my own comfy circle with people who know me and have for years. I miss that. I miss having history with people.

I am so excited to spend Thanksgiving with Mike, Alexis, Ryder, and Liv in NYC. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to next week. That sort of makes everything else a little bit harder to deal with, though. I will have an evil school cloud hanging over my head the entire time I am there. I hate evil school clouds. I miss having a full time job that had paid holidays and no homework.

I have to put things in perspective.

I have really enjoyed Boston. The more involved I get in the ward the more I love being here. I have friends now! I may have bought them by providing them with transportation, but I have them! I'm not above a little bribery for friendship. I am so glad I brought my car.

And that ugly school cloud? Be gone! The things I have left to do this semester are not that important. It's just school. Yes, school is important, but there are more important things, like my sanity and my happiness. For those of you who know me, this acknowledgement is a big step for me. School has been my everything. I will work hard - of course I will, I'm obsessive compulsive Jenny - but I need to remember that this too shall pass. In 20 years I'm not (I hope) going to look back and wish I had spent more time on my TV Theory paper or watching movies, even if my professors think I should have. It's the classic "what will you really regret?" scenario. I have always loved school, so I never thought I would come to the point where I realized it wasn't the end-all. But here I am, realizing it! And I like that it's not the end-all, because guess what?! Real life is more fun than school! Way more fun. I know my mom is probably reading this and crying tears of joy at my revelation. In fact, so am I. Before the vomiting part of this weekend I had a marvelous time - I hung out with my daddy on Friday night and with ward friends on Saturday night. I went to a party and I danced and socialized. Next came Sunday, which is ALWAYS the best day of the week (unless it ends in vomiting...). I talked to people and actually knew their names and stuff! I'm not a floating anonymous person anymore. Well, not entirely...People are more fun than books, turns out. Who knew? :)

I will not get straight As this semester - if I do, I will be supremely surprised. I have, in the past, held myself to that standard. However, since I received my first non-A in my last semester at BYU I have gained some perspective. And now I can celebrate not being freakishly perfectionistic. I'm only moderately perfectionistic. Maybe still a bit more than moderate, but I'm on my way to a healthier place, methinks. As long as I do well enough to keep my scholarship I am okay with that.

Isn't it silly that while I'm worrying about keeping my scholarship there are people out there who don't have a place to sleep tonight? There's some perspective for ya.

My Daddy Is In Town!

Look who I found wandering around Boston! MY DADDY! He signed up for work training just so he could come and visit me. Man, I love this guy! It's so nice to have someone around who has known me forever. And he's so nice to just listen to me talk and talk and talk.

Dad arrived on Wednesday night and did not bring a GPS with him (he doesn't know how to use the one in his Blackberry - silly man). He tried to find my school but ended up in Wellesley, which is half an hour outside of Boston...oops...so he turned around and this time headed for my apartment. With the help of my handy dandy iPhone I found him directions and helped him get there. That reunion was THE BEST. I showed him my apartment and introduced him to my roommates, and then we went out in search of some grub. I was feeling like a hamburger and fries would hit the spot (I haven't had one since I have been here). We found this awesome diner and I had the yummiest burger I have possibly ever had. I think it helped that I had wonderful company. 

On Friday night I took Dad out for dinner to Sunset Cantina (one of my TA friends told me there was a 50% off Groupon happening there, so we took advantage of that). Sunset is famous for its nachos and margaritas. We only partook of the nachos, of course. They were HUGE! Seriously, with both me and my dad eating them, we only made it through half of the nachos. I guess I know what I'll be eating for the next three days. Dad is the best listener - he just let me talk his ear off. 

Dad and I met up again Saturday morning for a trip down the Freedom Trail - I finally get to walk to whole thing! I think the Cheers bar should be added to the trail, but that's just me. Seeing historical Boston is wonderful - I love living in a place with this much history. I think it's safe to say Dad's favorite part was the USS Constitution. This man loves ships, and he was so happy to see this one. We also climbed to the top of the Bunker Hill monument, and for some reason we thought it would be good to climb it as fast as possible....ouch...I definitely felt the burn there. When we got back down to the ground my legs were shaking uncontrollably - that's what I get for not working out for the past couple of weeks. I get all weak and stuff. We then had Italian for dinner in the North End and stopped by famous Mike's Pastry for cannoli. YUM. And then we headed home.

That night I went to a dance party and strained a tendon in my foot from all the walking and dancing I did that day...oops... But totally worth it!

On Sunday, Dad came to church with me! After Sacrament Meeting they always ask new or visiting people to introduce themselves, and I asked Dad if he wanted me to introduce him. He said, "Please no." Man after my own heart. I hate doing stuff like that, and I guess I know why - my Dad doesn't like to do it either. We're happy to sit in the back and quietly participate. I told my Mom and she laughed and said, "You two!" We are peas in a pod, me and my dad. 

The following Friday night, Dad was still in town and I was free, so we met up again! Yay! This time we met in Quincy because he was coming from Plymouth and I was coming from school. We got dinner - I finally got to have real Boston Clam Chowder! Woo! Check that off my list. Then we saw Wreck-It Ralph, which was totally made for video game nerds like me. It was cute, not fantastic, but definitely fun and worth a watch. Then Dad and I bid farewell. Seriously, he is so awesome. I LOVE MY DADDY!

I thought seeing him would make me feel homesick, but it actually gave me the boost I need to make it to Thanksgiving when I'll see Mike and his family. My family rocks. They get more awesome as I get older. I don't know if it's because I appreciate them more, or if we are all on this exponential awesomeness growth pattern. I think it's both.

Mormon Girl Problems

Being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the best thing EVER, but sometimes it comes with less-than-common problems that I have lately been thinking about. These are kind of similar to first world problems that aren't really problems when all things are taken into perspective, but in the moment seem rather inconvenient.

Problem #1 - the "no coffee" thing. As I sit here, trying to read my rather dry TV Theory articles, I find that I am very sleepy. I look around the room and notice that many of the other students look alert and productive - what is their secret? They have a shiny thermos or happy Starbucks cup filled with some caffeinated beverage on their tables or in their hands. I don't drink coffee, therefore I must struggle through the day without that added boost the other students receive.

Problem #2 - I don't do homework on Sunday. This is a personal choice - some Mormons do homework on Sunday. It's all about how you feel best about observing the Sabbath. Some people don't watch TV or movies on Sunday, but I do (within reason). Anyway, though the day of rest from work is nice, other students get that extra day to work on their homework, which alternatively also means more playtime too because the work can be spread out and paced more efficiently (in theory).

Problem #3 - the "no drinking" thing. I have discovered since moving to Boston that you miss out on a great deal of social life if you don't drink. Sure, I could go hang out in bars with people and watch them drink, but does that really sound like fun? No. Why does everything out here have to happen in a bar?

Like I said, none of these things really are problems. I'm glad I don't drink or do homework on Sunday, and I don't think I'd even like coffee if I could drink it. I feel like its actually a privilege to not have to worry about these "problems." I save a lot of money and health problems too. These practical benefits pale in comparison to the spiritual benefits, which are worth any so-called sacrifice. I may not get to get by on less sleep with the aid of coffee, but at least I know where I'm going and what I'm doing in an eternal sense.

Surprises

I've been struggling with deciding if I want to continue in my graduate degree. Days like yesterday, when I was super happy about the paper I wrote, glad to have it turned in, and feeling like I accomplished something useful, are great. And then there are other days (which seem more numerous as of late) where I feel like I hate what I'm studying, I don't want to be a professor, and the idea of spending the rest of my life doing research and writing papers makes me want to vomit. I haven't like the idea of changing my mind about grad school because it feels like giving up. My mom keeps telling me that it's not giving up, but being in charge of my life, and maybe someday I will be able to help someone else who is going through the same dilemma.

Well, today was someday. 

I had a student come to my office hours to talk about her exam score, and we ended up talking about how she wants to transfer schools instead. She doesn't like the east coast (she's from California and desperately wants to go back there). Her dream school is USC, but if she doesn't get in there she is not sure if she should stay at BU, which has an awesome Communications department and reputation, or if she should transfer to a public school in California with not as good of a reputation for Communications. She was asking me whether experience was more important than the degree or vice versa. She's studying PR, which, admittedly, I know nothing about, but I told her what I could about my experience. We talked about the pros and cons of her situation. I shared my experiences with her and answered her questions. Mostly I just helped her think through things. I told her to just apply to a bunch of different places and opportunities and see what she gets. Talk to professors, talk to everyone you can to get advice - that's something I wish I had done a little more of. When you try everything you possibly can - apply for every job, every program, every study abroad - one of the things you try for will be right. Plus, you'll have tons of options to choose from, and if none of them is right you still have BU. It's like I was telling her exactly what I needed to hear myself - coincidence? I think not.

I got to help a student! Really, legitimately help them. Not just help them understand Aristotle's artistic proofs. That was a fun surprise for my day. And my mom was right - my experience now, as I try to figure out my life, will help others too. I really wanted to tell her to pray about it, ha ha. I am more thankful every day that I have the Gospel to give me direction. Decisions are hard enough with that influence - I can't imagine deciding things without it. 

The First Paper

I'm on my way to my Global New Wave Cinema class where I will turn in my first paper of my grad school career. I feel pretty good about how it turned out. It is an analysis of 'Cleo from 5 to 7,' a French New Wave film that I have actually come to love through analyzing it.

It turns out that this is why I am doing this film studies program. I like writing about films. I maybe don't love discussing films with people (unless it is a criticism-free geek fest), but I do love looking deeper into them and finding something more valuable to me. Like I have written before, you can go too deep and forget the value of the thing you're looking at. That's no fun. But with this paper I think I was able to find a balance and do a good job. We will see if my professor agrees when he grades it.

I'm fully expecting to have a day sometime in the next couple of weeks where I get all of my papers back with red marks covering them and comments shredding them, but until that sad day, I will remember how today I am happy. I feel like I am finally learning and being productive, and that is what I like about school. It's weird, but homework really does make me happy.