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Tuesday, November 13, 2012

I want school to be over...

Maybe it's because I'm sick (I spent all Sunday night/Monday morning vomiting and writhing in agony - worst night of my life so far, I'm not kidding). Or maybe it's because Thanksgiving is next week. Or maybe it's because the rest of the semester looks a little bit daunting. Regardless of why, I want to come home.

I have a history of homesickness. I hated sleepovers at friends' houses. I never liked summer camps. I was even homesick during my study abroad in London. Well, not super homesick. It only lasted a day and was then wiped away by the sheer awesomeness that is London. I generally prefer my own bed, my own room, and my own comfy circle with people who know me and have for years. I miss that. I miss having history with people.

I am so excited to spend Thanksgiving with Mike, Alexis, Ryder, and Liv in NYC. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to next week. That sort of makes everything else a little bit harder to deal with, though. I will have an evil school cloud hanging over my head the entire time I am there. I hate evil school clouds. I miss having a full time job that had paid holidays and no homework.

I have to put things in perspective.

I have really enjoyed Boston. The more involved I get in the ward the more I love being here. I have friends now! I may have bought them by providing them with transportation, but I have them! I'm not above a little bribery for friendship. I am so glad I brought my car.

And that ugly school cloud? Be gone! The things I have left to do this semester are not that important. It's just school. Yes, school is important, but there are more important things, like my sanity and my happiness. For those of you who know me, this acknowledgement is a big step for me. School has been my everything. I will work hard - of course I will, I'm obsessive compulsive Jenny - but I need to remember that this too shall pass. In 20 years I'm not (I hope) going to look back and wish I had spent more time on my TV Theory paper or watching movies, even if my professors think I should have. It's the classic "what will you really regret?" scenario. I have always loved school, so I never thought I would come to the point where I realized it wasn't the end-all. But here I am, realizing it! And I like that it's not the end-all, because guess what?! Real life is more fun than school! Way more fun. I know my mom is probably reading this and crying tears of joy at my revelation. In fact, so am I. Before the vomiting part of this weekend I had a marvelous time - I hung out with my daddy on Friday night and with ward friends on Saturday night. I went to a party and I danced and socialized. Next came Sunday, which is ALWAYS the best day of the week (unless it ends in vomiting...). I talked to people and actually knew their names and stuff! I'm not a floating anonymous person anymore. Well, not entirely...People are more fun than books, turns out. Who knew? :)

I will not get straight As this semester - if I do, I will be supremely surprised. I have, in the past, held myself to that standard. However, since I received my first non-A in my last semester at BYU I have gained some perspective. And now I can celebrate not being freakishly perfectionistic. I'm only moderately perfectionistic. Maybe still a bit more than moderate, but I'm on my way to a healthier place, methinks. As long as I do well enough to keep my scholarship I am okay with that.

Isn't it silly that while I'm worrying about keeping my scholarship there are people out there who don't have a place to sleep tonight? There's some perspective for ya.

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